It's a set up!!

So I have been set up for a blind date this weekend. This is huge because I haven't really met people in this way before and after years fixing my friends up and trying to get them to reciprocate, it took me crying in my beer while stroking their terrified cat and double dipping from the hotpot for them to realise the situation had reached a crisis level. So I have a fix up this Saturday, few problems though - I don't really know him and have no way of googling or cyberstalking him beforehand which makes me very uneasy. The thing about a set up is because it is what it is you miss the whole drama played out at bars around the world and the anxiety and terror of approaching someone in a room full drunk people and deafening noise. The other problem is that I am quite used to meeting people on ok Cupid, Craigslist, Adult friendfinder, Viber, match.com, e harmony you name it - at least there I know what I am up against. SWM means single white male, active means he is old, dinner date means you will get a free meal but you are going to pay for it one way or another, possible LTR means he wants a regular sex partner and anything that contains the words "hook up," "professional" "top" "bottom" or a picture if someone's privates is self explanatory. It's quite easy to spot a psychopath in a bar or online, you just have to read between the lines or monitor his relationship with alcohol. A blind date however might prove a bit difficult to read especially if your good friends have vouched for him it's not really appropriate to demand his criminal record or his shrink's contact details. So I have come up with some ways to protect myself if things don't work out. Since he is a friend of a trusted friend, I am not aloud to use my taser or post his bad behaviour on "the dirty.com" so here is what I am going to do.


I am going to underdress in an effort to put him off in case he likes his women looking like streetwalkers.


When I get to the restaurant I am going to walk past the table if he is hideous, I understand this might confuse my friends who are also joining us for dinner but I will head straight to the bathroom and send a quick text that I left the gas on and I need to go and save the lives of thousands of people who live in my apartment complex can we have coffee later this week?


If he looks decent, turns out to be a racist, anti Semite or averse to dental hygiene, I have a friend who will give me a "something bad happened" call and I will respond accordingly.


Should we survive the dinner and head for drinks and he starts getting fresh I will just tell him "this was fun but in really need to get home and tuck in my boyfriend who is in bed with the flu."


I can see how this can be counterproductive to my mission but my friends completely misunderstood. I was only crying because I was talking my dog Legolas that was stolen and eaten by my evil friend! I don't think my situation is at intervention level yet, it's still nice to know I have friends who don't want me to die alone!